I’ve been compiling this list for a few days in my head, and now here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Observations about California (some good, some bad, some “eh”):

1) No frontage roads in San Diego.  Most frustrating thing EVER.

2) Due to #1, entering the freeways in CA is a really random experience – you have to watch very closely for signs and sometimes the entrance to the freeway is on the wrong side of the road/the end of some random street/etc.  Also, some freeway entrances are clovers and some are not… some are northbound-clover and southbound-not… and vice versa… like you have to know the intersection or be prepared to switch three lanes of traffic almost instantaneously.  Good times.

3) One more driving observation… No billboards in San Diego.  This is a good thing!

4) People in CA love their coffee.  No complaints there

5) I do not even want to know how much gas cost here in the summer of 08 when gas was over $4.00/gal in Denton.  Right now it’s about 50 cents higher than where Paul lives.

6) Nearly every female I know thus far in San Diego owns at least one scarf – not the kind that you use to keep warm in the winter, but the sheer kind that you use for the purpose of decorating your neck.  I only brought one such scarf with me, and I feel about ten times more hip whenever I wear it around here.

7)  My being from Texas is a novelty to many Californians.  Almost everyone I’ve told that I’m from Texas has responded with one (or both) of the following: “You don’t sound like you’re from Texas, you don’t have an accent!” or some variation on “your politicians are crazy/So everyone in Texas is Republican, right?”.  Le sigh.

8 ) If you want to sound like you are “from” San Diego, the most effective way to do it is to insert the word “the” in front of freeway names in casual conversation (e.g. “I was going to take the 805 to the 52 but it backed up, so I took the 56 instead”).

9) Almost nowhere in San Diego are there unprotected left turns.  It’s all arrows, similar to many places in the Houston area.  Probably safer, but nonetheless ANNOYING!

10) There are so many runners (and running trails, for that matter) in the San Diego area it’s ridiculous.  Makes me excited to get out there… so excited that the first weekend I was here I sprained my calf from overzealously racing up ridiculous hills.  Now I am taking it easy (mostly by running north-south not east-west) and my legs/feet/EVERYTHING are thanking me.

So there you go, 10 random observations about California and the people that live here.  Hope you enjoyed.  I’m going to spend this weekend doing work so that when freakin AMTA CONFERENCE comes to town this upcoming week I won’t fall behind!  Have a great weekend and BTHOO UCF

I’m yours

… I learned that Jason Mraz song on ukulele today.  I was amazed how simple learning chords on ukulele is overall – within 10 minutes of getting the thing out of the case I was jamming along on a 5-chord song.  Also on the list of uke songs I learned today – “Three Little Birds”.  I feel cooler by the minute

Did my first solo session at the hospital today.  I was surprised at how not nervous I was.  Guess I am growing!

In unrelated news, getting mail = happiness.  And I have had a lot of happiness in my life lately… Liz’s beautiful homemade save the date cards PLUS a totally awesome Halloween/miss you card from Erin and Travis.  And less recently, a cute penguins card from Lyd (with gas money… I swear I am going to go deposit that check soon Lyd, I’m sorry)… you guys/gals totally rock my face off, and every time I get mail (Joan, the lady I’m staying with, puts it by the sink in the guest bath) I feel so excited and blessed!!

Last bit of news for tonight: I have a HEADSHOT now.  Not super professional or anything (by this I mean that I took a bazillion pictures with my digital camera on timer and picked the best one), but here goes:

Not bad.  The San Diego sun apparently looks good on me.

a late night thought

So I need to get this off my chest.

If nothing else, I have learned in the past month the importance of washing/Purell-ing hands in the hospital.  To prevent the spread of germs from you to patient, patient to you, patient to other patient, patient to your instruments, etc.  I get it.  I really do.  I Purell my hands when I’m in the hospital twice for every patient I see (before + after) and sometimes more than that.  My hands are extremely dry, but I can live with that.

When I was at church today we were told about new regulations to prevent the spread of H1N1: no Communion cup, no holding hands during the Our Father, no shaking hands during the greeting or at any time during the service.  In spite of all my Purell-ing on the job, for some reason this troubled me.  Until this whole swine flu runs its course, I apparently need to go through life sanitizing myself from other people, from the warm feeling of someone’s hands supporting yours, from the firm and friendly handshake you get from your neighbor next to you in the pew.  Being that I’m in a long-distance relationship, I don’t feel another person’s touch very often, and strange as this sounds, I treasure it.  Maybe I’m gross.  I don’t know.  I’d be totally willing to carry Purell with me and offer it to strangers so we can hold hands and pray together.  I may even get sick… oh the horror!

In short, while I am generally a fan of cleanliness and preventing the spread of disease, I am NOT a fan of losing that element of touch that is so powerful.  People have held hands with each other for thousands of years and now all of a sudden we need to rub alcohol gel on our hands immediately after touching someone OR worse still, not touch someone altogether.  We all need our hugs/hand holding/bodily contact (don’t be crude!) that usually results in the transmission of germs.  It makes me very sad to live in a world where the need to stay clean out-needs the need to touch, to support, to heal each other.

Anyway.  That’s all for now I suppose.  Have a great week everyone!

Hey, it’s a new post!

So sorry guys (and girls!) about the lack of posting in the past week or so.  Honestly, I’ve spent the last week being as productive as my mind and body will allow me, trying not to fall behind, and taking as much in as I possibly can.  It’s a helluva lot.  I don’t feel overwhelmed yet (but ask me again when I have more responsibilities!).

Cool things I’ve done this week:

1) This morning I ran down at Mission Beach – there’s a concrete path there that runs along the ocean so I don’t have to run in the sand (which is good, my legs hate me enough already).  Interesting people watching, especially surfers wiping out

2) Stay at the hospital until 9:00 pm on a Friday evening doing music therapy sessions, which doesn’t sound very cool except that the sessions were AMAZING and the time seriously flew by!

3) Learn (a somewhat simplified version of) the guitar solo from Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” to use with a client.  That’s one small step towards complete badass-ness

4) Met some new friends at the TX/OU (sucks) game watching party in San Diego.  There are  A LOT of Texas Exes around here – over 100 at the viewing party.  Good to know I don’t have to watch games alone anymore!

5) Thought a lot about my future, job prospects, etc. (more on this later, too tired to write about it now)

And now I leave you with a small tidbit of hilarity – happy Monday eve everyone!

all are welcome in this place

So I’m sitting outside and don’t really want to do work. I’ve got a mug of yummy Peet’s coffee in my hand, the temperature outside is an extremely comfortable 67 degrees, and everywhere I look I see beauty around me.

See?  That’s my happy face. 

I don’t know what it is exactly about church music, but I’ve been to the same church twice now in SD and both times the music has made me cry.  Multiple times, both Sundays.  Naturally, as a studier of music’s effects on the brain, this makes me curious.  I don’t normally have crying reactions to music (one possible exception to this is the fourth mvmt. from Respighi’s Pines of Rome, extremely loud in surround sound).  To be sure, I am often emotionally moved, but the crying is a bit unusual for me.  The emotions that accompany said crying are definitely positive – I feel supported, I feel safe, I feel home.  Most of the music that incites this reaction is music I sang with the 11:15 ICC choir in Denton, an experience that was extremely positve, even tranformative, for me.  I’m enclosing Youtube videos of several of these songs (I’m doing the best I can to find versions that match what I remember):

“All are Welcome”

“You are Mine”

“We Have Been Told”

“Christ Be Our Light” (this actually is not the version I know, but I like the arrangement! Also, LOVE the guy dancing with the drum throne in back)

So there you go.  I don’t really expect anyone to look at the videos, although they are good – they’re mostly for my own benefit   I guess I’m going to continue to be my own research participant in my completely non-controlled study in why I can’t stop crying when I hear church music.  I’m going to go listen to that last link again now

Miss Personality revealed…

Personality tests are interesting to me.  Sometimes I take them and I see the results and I think “whaaat? that’s not me at all!”, and other times they are right on.  The most recent version of the Myers-Briggs I took (thanks Facebook!) described me as an INFJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Judgment).  Here is the little blurb I got along with my test (again, credit “What’s your Personlity Type” test on Facebook):

You seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. You want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. You are conscientious and committed to your firm values. You develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. You are organized and decisive in implementing your vision. Famous people with your same INFJ personality include: Adam Sandler, Mel Gibson, Billy Crystal, and Oprah Winfrey.

Does that mean anything to you? Because it doesn’t really mean anything to me.  It’s very abstract and I don’t think it really tells anyone anything about me, unless they personally know Adam, Mel, Billy and Oprah.  Anyway, for my internship I’ve had to take two additional personality tests, the results of which I think have been much more insightful.  Since I’ve turned in one of them already and can’t remember the results, I’m going to cover the results of my “Personality Plus” test (you can find a comparable online version here – take it!).  The Personality Plus test was developed by Florence Littauer under the premise that there are four basic types of personalities – sanguine, choleric, melancoly and phlegmatic, and each comes with its own sets of strengths and weaknesses.  The biggest difference between the above online version and my paper version of the test is that while the online test allows you only one personality type with both its strengths and weaknesses, the paper version allows for different sets of personality traits for strengths and weaknesses (which apparently I have).

So, without too much more nerding out, here are my results:

————————————————

*Strengths: Phlegmatic personality*

-Emotions: low-key personality, easygoing and relaxed, calm, collected, patient, well-balanced, consistent life, quiet yet witty, sympathetic and kind, keeps emotions hidden, happily reconciled to life, all-purpose person

-Work: competent and steady, peaceful and agreeable, has administrative ability, mediates problems, avoids conflicts, good under pressure, finds the easy way

-Friends: easy to get along with, pleasant and enjoyable, inoffensive, good listener, dry sense of humor, enjoys watching people, has many friends, has compassion and concern

*Weaknesses: Melancholy personality*

-Emotions: remembers the negatives, moody and depressed, enjoys being hurt, has false humility, off in another world, low self-image, has selective hearing, self-centered, too introspective, guilt feelings, persecution complex, tends to hypochondria

-Work: not people-oriented, depressed over imperfections, chooses difficult work, hesitant to start projects, spends too much time planning, prefers analysis to work, self-deprecating, hard to please, standards often too high, deep need for approval

-Friends: lives through others, insecure socially, withdrawn and remote, critical of others, holds back affection, dislikes those in opposition, suspicious of people, antagonistic and vengeful, unforgiving, full of contradictions, skeptical of compliments

———————————————————-

Hmm.  Wow.   That is a lot of information… much of which describes me to a tee.  So anyway, if you have feedback on any of that, you can let me know.  Also, if anybody takes the test I’d be interested to see what your results are (they don’t give you much information after you take the test but I can email you what your results mean).   So click away and then we can overanalyze our personality tests together.  It’ll be fun – no really.    Good night everyone!

First two days!

Can I just say first off that I am so blessed?  I have the most amazing friends who knew I was moving to SD and care enough to ask how internship is going so far and how I am doing.  It really does mean a lot to me to know that you care enough to read my insanely narcissistic blog about what’s going on with me.  I really don’t want to disappear from the lives of the friends/family I care about, so I think this is a good way to let people know what’s going on with my life while I’m out here.  All of this to say – thanks for reading, ya’ll

So. First two days! I am … yeeah, I’m not going to figure out what percentage I am done with internship (1/90th? no, more than that).  So far, it’s been pretty good.  Lots of information, some of which I’m going to need repeated several times, but pretty good. I am in a good place out here – a wide variety of experiences (the populations I will be working with at first include substance abuse patients, well elderly, people with Parkinson’s disease, people in the ICU/other hospital floors, kids/adolescents/teenagers with developmental disabilities, breast cancer survivors, hospice patients and oh yeah, people in homeless shelters), lots of people to work with, and TONS to learn.  It’s really a bit intimidating at this point, but also good to see today that I’m not expected to “know it all”, that I can rely on others, and that above all, IT’S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES. (more on this later)  The rest of this week and part of the next one are going to be devoted to more orientation/getting my ducks in a row, a LOT of observing senior interns and supervisors, and perhaps working a teeny tiny bit with clients. What with the massive amount of information racing about in my head, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

On a somewhat related note, on Sunday night I made a list of promises to myself.  Those of you who know me well probably know that I’m very hard on myself, sometimes needlessly so, and this list was intended to make a covenant with myself, to remind myself that I am only human and can only do so much.  In part because I suspect I’m going to need some reminders of these promises I’ve made further down the road, I’m enclosing the list below…

I promise:

-to allow myself room for failure

-to give every day and every client my 100% effort

-to engage in self-care

-to learn from mistakes

-to keep surrounding myself with those who support me

-to see God in every person and client

-to acknowledge and embrace my anxieties, and to work through them

-to live spiritually

And finally…

-not to beat myself up if I falter and break a promise to myself

I know it’s super cheesy, but when I look at the list (it’s currently by my bed) I’m reminded of why it’s so important to take care of myself – why it’s so important that we all take care of ourselves, really. Life is short, people.  It’s way too short to live in fear of making mistakes.  I just hope I can remember these things when the flood of work actually comes

Photoblogging extravaganza 1: The trip to San Diego

My dad and I left very early Wednesday morning for San Diego.  He drove while I slept (well, sort of… drifted in and out of sleeping/watching the stars).  When I woke up, we were about 40 miles to Fort Stockton and 250-ish miles from the Texas border.  The drive from Austin to El Paso is, by the way, more interesting and shorter than the Dallas-El Paso trek I made to regional conference last year.  More changes in scenery.  We stopped at a view point in between the I-10 and I-20 merge and El Paso:

Went through El Paso and… goodbye Texas , hello New Mexico!

I’ve been to and through Mexico several times and thought it was indeed a “Land of Enchantment”.  This time, not so much.  After Las Cruces, the ensuing 150 miles or so were flat, sandy, and kinda boring.  I didn’t take any pictures.

On to Arizona:

Arizona … what shall I say about Arizona?  It was kinda cool.  I’ve been to the Grand Canyon and that’s cool and stuff, but the southern part of Arizona is really stark and beautiful.

First sign we encountered with the words “San Diego” on it was north of Tuscon at the turnoff for I-8 (Tuscon, by the way, seems like a very nice city).  Excitement ensues

The other thing I will say about Arizona is… Holy Cactus, Batman!!

From Gila Bend (crazy little town where we spent the night) to the Arizona border, cacti (cactuses?) were all over the place.  They were really, really erie.  We were listening to a Phoenix classical station playing this really lush dance suite and the music and the rugged scenery… the last 100 miles flew by.  God, I love music.

Finally, CALIFORNIA OMG!

(Entering Pacific Time… which my body still is not used to.  Also, I’m a little upset that TX/OU will be at FREAKING 9 AM here.  But we will discuss later

I-8 doesn’t go through the Mojave Desert (that’s quite a bit north of here), but upon entering the Cali border we immediately entered what is probably the biggest sandstorm I’ve ever been in:

Sand from these incredibly large sand dunes was blowing swiftly onto the road.  Let us just say that I’m very glad my dad was driving.

Landscape change – I-8 next took us up into the mountains (the climb was so steep that we were advised to turn off our A/C to avoid overheading. Intense!)  The mountains here were truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen!

(I’m not sure the pictures do it justice – these mountains essentially looked like overgrown rockpiles. Really cool)

From there we started our descent to SAN DIEGO.  On the way into town, we had In ‘N Out Burger (delightful!).  I should’ve taken a picture.  All in all, I really enjoyed the trip.  There is no way I could have done it without my dad – he drove all but about 150 miles of the trip without even needing a nap.  Mad props.

So now I’m here – I dropped my dad off at the airport this morning, which was rough.  When I feel like it in the next few days I’ll write about my dad visiting b/c we had a BLAST and it was great to have him here.  San Diego is beautiful.  I can’t believe I’m actually here.  This time last year I was making tentative plans and the whole thing seemed so far away, and now I start on Monday.  Until then, you can most likely find me in front of the TV watching college football while I still have the time.  No Texas game this weekend but for some reason, Joan (the lady I’m staying with) gets the A&M/Arkansas game.  Huh.  Go figure. 

For those of you who love roller coasters as I do, that moment where you’ve reached the pinnacle of the highest hill and are about to descend and you can see the track going straight down and it’s exhilarating and terrifying and you know you’re going to be fine but you can’t help but wonder “what if”?… that pretty much describes how I feel right now.

It’s something like this:

I’ll write again from SD

4 days…

… until I leave for SD.  Wow, time has really flown by this month.  It’s quite incredible.  For those who are unaware, I’ve spent my time since leaving Denton in early August in the following ways:

1) Not going to school. (praise the Lord)

2) Going to Germany. (badass)

3) Working like a crazy person on the following tasks: finishing my professional paper (DONE HALLELUJAH!!), reading for internship (also DONE as of this morning!), learning songs on guitar (will never be done with this).

4) Watching a lot of HGTV (I *heart* David Bromstad).

5) Visiting Paul in Houston (which I am doing right now. More on this later)

6) Until my recent stint as a sick person, running/playing my parent’s Wii Active (jump squats? No thank you).

So yeah, it’s been nice.  I was worried that I’d have a hard time getting my mind back into gear for internship, but lately it seems like I can’t turn my brain off.  Two days ago I tuned my turtle kalimba (which looks something like this) to a C pentatonic scale and I’ve been giddy ever since at the possibility of actually using it in a productive manner with someone. (Thanks again SAMT!)

Anyway, I am visiting Paul in Houston currently, and it’s been a really interesting trip so far.  Hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I’ve been having some digestive issues recently, and while I haven’t really felt “sick sick”, it’s been enough to put me on two different meds.  So like clockwork, Paul reports feeling sick on Friday morning.  I push my trip back to Saturday in the hopes that he’ll be feeling better, but of course, he’s feeling worse.  Normally I think this would be one of those “I don’t care if I get sick, I’m coming to see you anyway” situations, and I am down here so there must be some element of that in my thinking, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about getting sick during my internship.  So suffice it to say this trip has involved a lot of speaking to him from across the room and Chlorox wipes and drinking Gatorade out of wine glasses (classy!!).  It’s still good to see him though, and Lord knows I am going to miss him like hell while I’m gone.  I am so ready for us to cease having a long-distance relationship – two years and counting is a long time…

I realized that I didn’t really elaborate on what my fears were/are, so I thought I’d throw that into this now ridiculously long post (kudos to you if you’re still reading) as well as what I’m attempting to tell myself about each one:

1) Fear of failure. Well, self, it’s approximately 100% certain that you are going to fail multiple times.  Get over it. But seriously, thousands of people have done this before and failed miserably a time or two and learned from their experience.  You, also, will emerge a better person from this.

2) Fear of not being liked. Possible, I suppose, but unlikely, as long as you maintain your fairly pleasant disposition

3) Fear of being overwhelmed. Again, self, this is more than likely going to happen, but remember your support sources (of which you have many) and know that it won’t last forever.

4) Fear of being lonely. Sort of related to the previous one… Just know, self, that you have people to support you, whether they’re in SD or back at home (this reminds me – Skype anyone? Leave me a comment with your name and I’ll add you!).  Also, self, remember from lots of previous experience that running helps your feeling of loneliness. A lot. Get those endorphins pumping

There are others, of course, but they pretty much fall into one of these.  Basically, I acknowledge that the feelings and fears I have are completely normal and probably felt by most music therapy interns, not to mention anyone that’s about to do anything new with their lives (the whole world?), but it helps me to lay them out.  So thank you for listening/reading and if I don’t talk to you before then, gentle Readers, I will write again from sunny San Diego!!!!