Archive for September, 2009

For those of you who love roller coasters as I do, that moment where you’ve reached the pinnacle of the highest hill and are about to descend and you can see the track going straight down and it’s exhilarating and terrifying and you know you’re going to be fine but you can’t help but wonder “what if”?… that pretty much describes how I feel right now.

It’s something like this:

roller coaster

I’ll write again from SD 🙂

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September 29, 2009 at 6:44 pm Leave a comment

4 days…

… until I leave for SD.  Wow, time has really flown by this month.  It’s quite incredible.  For those who are unaware, I’ve spent my time since leaving Denton in early August in the following ways:

1) Not going to school. (praise the Lord)

2) Going to Germany. (badass)

3) Working like a crazy person on the following tasks: finishing my professional paper (DONE HALLELUJAH!!), reading for internship (also DONE as of this morning!), learning songs on guitar (will never be done with this).

4) Watching a lot of HGTV (I *heart* David Bromstad).

5) Visiting Paul in Houston (which I am doing right now. More on this later)

6) Until my recent stint as a sick person, running/playing my parent’s Wii Active (jump squats? No thank you).

So yeah, it’s been nice.  I was worried that I’d have a hard time getting my mind back into gear for internship, but lately it seems like I can’t turn my brain off.  Two days ago I tuned my turtle kalimba (which looks something like this) to a C pentatonic scale and I’ve been giddy ever since at the possibility of actually using it in a productive manner with someone. (Thanks again SAMT!)

Anyway, I am visiting Paul in Houston currently, and it’s been a really interesting trip so far.  Hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I’ve been having some digestive issues recently, and while I haven’t really felt “sick sick”, it’s been enough to put me on two different meds.  So like clockwork, Paul reports feeling sick on Friday morning.  I push my trip back to Saturday in the hopes that he’ll be feeling better, but of course, he’s feeling worse.  Normally I think this would be one of those “I don’t care if I get sick, I’m coming to see you anyway” situations, and I am down here so there must be some element of that in my thinking, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about getting sick during my internship.  So suffice it to say this trip has involved a lot of speaking to him from across the room and Chlorox wipes and drinking Gatorade out of wine glasses (classy!!).  It’s still good to see him though, and Lord knows I am going to miss him like hell while I’m gone.  I am so ready for us to cease having a long-distance relationship – two years and counting is a long time…

I realized that I didn’t really elaborate on what my fears were/are, so I thought I’d throw that into this now ridiculously long post (kudos to you if you’re still reading) as well as what I’m attempting to tell myself about each one:

1) Fear of failure. Well, self, it’s approximately 100% certain that you are going to fail multiple times.  Get over it. But seriously, thousands of people have done this before and failed miserably a time or two and learned from their experience.  You, also, will emerge a better person from this.

2) Fear of not being liked. Possible, I suppose, but unlikely, as long as you maintain your fairly pleasant disposition 🙂

3) Fear of being overwhelmed. Again, self, this is more than likely going to happen, but remember your support sources (of which you have many) and know that it won’t last forever.

4) Fear of being lonely. Sort of related to the previous one… Just know, self, that you have people to support you, whether they’re in SD or back at home (this reminds me – Skype anyone? Leave me a comment with your name and I’ll add you!).  Also, self, remember from lots of previous experience that running helps your feeling of loneliness. A lot. Get those endorphins pumping 🙂

There are others, of course, but they pretty much fall into one of these.  Basically, I acknowledge that the feelings and fears I have are completely normal and probably felt by most music therapy interns, not to mention anyone that’s about to do anything new with their lives (the whole world?), but it helps me to lay them out.  So thank you for listening/reading and if I don’t talk to you before then, gentle Readers, I will write again from sunny San Diego!!!!

September 27, 2009 at 9:22 am 1 comment

on tears

So I just watched the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy – yes, I know it jumped the shark a long while ago but I enjoy watching the train wreck – and whoever picks the music for that show needs a serious pay raise.  It’s been a while since there’s been an episode of Grey’s where I haven’t cried.  I think that’s the second time I’ve teared up over something on TV today – the first one was an episode of “My Parent’s House” on HGTV.  It’s sort of pathetic.  But seriously – this crying at the drop of a hat is fairly new to me.  I previously was not much of a crier.  I was one of those teenage kids who physically strained myself to produce tears when I saw Titanic in theaters so I could say “It was so sad, I cried so hard!” and at least it wouldn’t be a lie.  But now it really doesn’t take much – the craziest thing that makes me well up (I think anyway) is the spotlight segments on ESPN.  There was one that aired last week at the UT/Tech College Gameday where they talked about a quarterback from Colorado who passed away.  I cried. Of course 🙂

Sometimes I try to think about what brought about this change in me.  My mom can be a crier sometimes (I mean that in the best way possible) so there’s genetic precedent for it.  More than anything, though, I think it’s just caused by stress.  I’m trying with each day (and there’s only 5 more of them left until I depart for SD) to recognize the stress I’m placing on myself and find ways to lessen it.  I was planning on writing more about this, but I am literally falling asleep at the keyboard – possibly I’ll elaborate tomorrow.  Nini for now 🙂

September 24, 2009 at 10:33 pm Leave a comment

I want.  When I have a job, if I need to get a dress for a special occasion, this is for sure it. 🙂

September 23, 2009 at 3:02 pm Leave a comment

Just a heads up – I’m going to un-link my Facebook feed to this blog (I forgot that I made it that way and I’m not so sure I need all my thoughts in plain view on the Book), so if you wanna continue reading whatever I decide to put up here, the addy is:

https://thecaffeinatedsquirrel.wordpress.com

Happy viewing!  🙂

September 22, 2009 at 10:07 pm Leave a comment

laugh it up…

… because in a few days this whole Kanye/Taylor Swift (whose songs I am learning on guitar, by the way, and they are adorable)/VMA business fades into obscurity. (at least I hope)

Kanye West will let you finish. (my favorite is the Pokemon one)

September 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm Leave a comment

westward bound

SO for the umpteenth time, I’m going to start writing again.  Do forgive me because I’m out of practice writing things that aren’t my professional paper :-)… it feels good. Anyway.

So for those of you who I haven’t spoken to in a while, you should know that in 15 days (!!) I’m leaving for a six-month music therapy internship in fabulous San Diego, CA.  The internship with MusicWorx goes October 5th through April 2nd and, if everything I’ve heard is true, it’s going to be quite a ride.  🙂  So since I’m not taking any class-classes this semester, the last bit of August/first bit of September has been my time to take care of business and catch up on reading assignments and learn new songs for internship so that I hit the ground running and not falling flat on my face.  Although I suspect that no matter how much I prepare some face-falling is going to take place anyway…

I wanted to start up this blog again because it’s a way of letting you know what’s going on with me while I’m in San Diego and, past that, back in Texas actually doing what I love and getting paid for it.  I am generally excited/terrified of the future – and I think that what helps me be less terrified/more excited is to think, as sensibly as I can, about what I’m about to do and what it’s going to entail.  If this doesn’t happen, the alternative is my putting off thinking about it until it actually happens.  Not good.  Trust me, I’ve done it before. 

Let’s see… In addition to my thinky/feely musings on what’s going on with me, I’m also apt to post random crap that I think is cool.  Exhibit A: the video below, which showcases a song I heard on KUT this afternoon on the way home.  This song officially makes me wish I was going to be around for ACL this year (in October? so late!) because Michael Franti and his band Spearhead are filling in for Sonic Youth.  KUT, you rock.   (the graphics on the YT video are sorta cool but not necessary, just close your eyes and experience)

September 16, 2009 at 3:56 am 1 comment


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