4 days…

September 27, 2009 at 9:22 am 1 comment

… until I leave for SD.  Wow, time has really flown by this month.  It’s quite incredible.  For those who are unaware, I’ve spent my time since leaving Denton in early August in the following ways:

1) Not going to school. (praise the Lord)

2) Going to Germany. (badass)

3) Working like a crazy person on the following tasks: finishing my professional paper (DONE HALLELUJAH!!), reading for internship (also DONE as of this morning!), learning songs on guitar (will never be done with this).

4) Watching a lot of HGTV (I *heart* David Bromstad).

5) Visiting Paul in Houston (which I am doing right now. More on this later)

6) Until my recent stint as a sick person, running/playing my parent’s Wii Active (jump squats? No thank you).

So yeah, it’s been nice.  I was worried that I’d have a hard time getting my mind back into gear for internship, but lately it seems like I can’t turn my brain off.  Two days ago I tuned my turtle kalimba (which looks something like this) to a C pentatonic scale and I’ve been giddy ever since at the possibility of actually using it in a productive manner with someone. (Thanks again SAMT!)

Anyway, I am visiting Paul in Houston currently, and it’s been a really interesting trip so far.  Hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I’ve been having some digestive issues recently, and while I haven’t really felt “sick sick”, it’s been enough to put me on two different meds.  So like clockwork, Paul reports feeling sick on Friday morning.  I push my trip back to Saturday in the hopes that he’ll be feeling better, but of course, he’s feeling worse.  Normally I think this would be one of those “I don’t care if I get sick, I’m coming to see you anyway” situations, and I am down here so there must be some element of that in my thinking, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about getting sick during my internship.  So suffice it to say this trip has involved a lot of speaking to him from across the room and Chlorox wipes and drinking Gatorade out of wine glasses (classy!!).  It’s still good to see him though, and Lord knows I am going to miss him like hell while I’m gone.  I am so ready for us to cease having a long-distance relationship – two years and counting is a long time…

I realized that I didn’t really elaborate on what my fears were/are, so I thought I’d throw that into this now ridiculously long post (kudos to you if you’re still reading) as well as what I’m attempting to tell myself about each one:

1) Fear of failure. Well, self, it’s approximately 100% certain that you are going to fail multiple times.  Get over it. But seriously, thousands of people have done this before and failed miserably a time or two and learned from their experience.  You, also, will emerge a better person from this.

2) Fear of not being liked. Possible, I suppose, but unlikely, as long as you maintain your fairly pleasant disposition 🙂

3) Fear of being overwhelmed. Again, self, this is more than likely going to happen, but remember your support sources (of which you have many) and know that it won’t last forever.

4) Fear of being lonely. Sort of related to the previous one… Just know, self, that you have people to support you, whether they’re in SD or back at home (this reminds me – Skype anyone? Leave me a comment with your name and I’ll add you!).  Also, self, remember from lots of previous experience that running helps your feeling of loneliness. A lot. Get those endorphins pumping 🙂

There are others, of course, but they pretty much fall into one of these.  Basically, I acknowledge that the feelings and fears I have are completely normal and probably felt by most music therapy interns, not to mention anyone that’s about to do anything new with their lives (the whole world?), but it helps me to lay them out.  So thank you for listening/reading and if I don’t talk to you before then, gentle Readers, I will write again from sunny San Diego!!!!

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. christina  |  September 28, 2009 at 8:39 am

    You are going to have a MARVELOUS adventure! Make sure you keep a journal during your internship – you’ll be amazed at the end of it because you start out thinking you know so much and internship is such an information/growth explosion. Be sure to get plugged in with some groups that’ll help you with taking care of yourself and releasing all that anxiety/stress (the UT Alums, maybe a yoga place, whatevs). I am so very proud of you – look how far you’ve come since our preliminary undergrad conversations about music therapy 🙂

    Also, don’t forget to send me your address in SD!

    Reply

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